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[13 Sep 2006|08:55pm] |
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Ive been living home now for almost 3 weeks and its horrible even tho i needed to get out of what i was in to get my life back together i dont know if this was worth it i cant stand being here and im ready to just walk out i now remember why i left in the first place 2 years ago its hard to beileve it was that long ago but i am still being treated like i am 12 and i am 20 years old damn it and i deserve to be treated like it and not a slave, things with kevin im still not sure of i know i love him but i just dont know if it was a ment to be thing i still have a lot of shit i want to do and with him i dont know if i can do it, and yet if i loose him i could be loosing out on the best thing in my life. i dont want to get rid of either thing but in time it will be obivous witch one i will choose or maybe ill get lucky and get both, other then the fact i hate where i am living i cant really complain things could be worse i guess. everyday i feel different inside and i dont know why one day i am happy with my life and the next i am not and i feel depressed about things i dont really know what to think of things cause i know my opinion will change. im sure things will work out and everything that is happening is for a good reason or at least i hope so
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~*Love me*~
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| DORITOS |
[18 Apr 2005|11:15am] |
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mood |
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I LOVE YOU HUNNY |
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ok so this weekend was ok even tho i played games the hole time yes me palying games.... but it was the only way i got kevins attention so i had no problem with it. the week plans are still the same even tho im not happy with what i heard this morning kevins gonna go to tae kwon do for 4 hours a day and he and adam made this decision so i had no say but i already know its going to be to much but kevins not gonna listen to me and hes gonna wear himself out and hes probly gonna get sick again cause hes not giving his body the time it needs to rest so o well ill get the privlege to say i was right as always. as far as this weekend i am still thinking going cause well i want to be there for him and i dont want to be away from him so it makes me want to go but adam will be there so that takes up all my attention from kevin cause friends are more important most of the time and the time i thought i would get alone with kevin i wont cause adam is going to be staying in the room with us and i kinda dont think its right cause i know that if kevin wasnt going adam would work more hours to get money to get a room but he doesnt have to now that kevin has a room and adam didnt even ask if it was ok if he stayed with kevin he just kinda thinks its ok but on the other hand kevin keeps making plans and other shit without me so maybe kevin said it was ok without asking me again like he has been but if he doesnt quit doing that shit hes not gonna like whats gonna happen so i suggest you stop it ! you dont like it when i dont tell you something or i just tell you i am doing something with out making sure its ok with you so dont do it to me
any ways i should have more pics to add by wednesday or at least im hoping
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~*Love me*~
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[18 Apr 2005|10:35am] |
Ok so its been a few days sence i have written in here but i have been very stressed out and sad. My Grandmother has been very sick and she passed away yesterday morning... we all knew she was dying but it still sucks that one minute shes fine and the next shes gone. and i kinda feel bad cause i never went over to see her to often and when i did go i never stayed to long just cause i thought i had better things to do then sit there and listen to her talk about shit i didnt understand. and now that shes gone i wont even have the chance to walk to her house and talk to her or see how shes doing even if i wanted to. so i think i should have done it more often cause she did like it when ppl would come and visit just so she would have someone to talk to. but o well i cant take anything back now. i know shes in a better place tho and she will be missed very much.
in other news amber came down yesterday to be with me cause of my grandma and we had an ok time. we managed to be retarted as always and casue something to happen. she did make me feel alot better and i like that i really hope she moves back soon. Kevin was there for me too he missed work to be with me yesterday and hes getting a docs note to be with me today at the service and thats nice but he just kills me sometimes he can miss work for me cause well he doesnt really like going anyways and he wants to be with me but when we go home he cant miss playing his game to sit with me.... i just dont get it i would rather him give up the game to be with me rather then work cause he shows that hes giving up something he cares about not something he doesnt want to do in the first place.i dont know i was very moody yesterday with everything and i know i took it out on him and i didnt mean to but im only around him so who am i supose to take it out on? and i dont want to just hold it all in cause then it will just be worse but him playing the game just made it worse so once again he played his game at the WRONG time i swear he always does this shit to me if im having a bad day or im sick and he knows he should be with me he plays the game. blah
and in other news our friend joe was in a car accident and our thoughts are with him and we hope he gets better real soon.
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~*Love me*~
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sexxyinpink69's journal
